Biggest Best Life

Momentum Over Perfection

• Lauren Chapnick • Season 1 • Episode 11

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Ever freeze up before taking action? In this episode, Lauren shares how to replace fight flight or freeze with a new mantra — listen identify go. Learn how to trust your gut, get clear on what you really want, and take one brave, imperfect step toward the life you’ve been dreaming of.

Lauren opens up about shifting her purpose, giving her first keynote talk The Girl with the Walkman, and the messy, beautiful process of building momentum. This conversation will inspire you to stop waiting for perfect, start trusting your intuition, and finally go after your next chapter with courage and clarity.

In this episode:

  • How to overcome fear and decision paralysis
  • Why clarity comes from action, not perfection
  • Simple mindset shifts to build momentum
  • The power of listening to your intuition
  • How to take one actionable step toward your dream today

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Announcer:

Welcome to Biggest Best Life, the podcast that guarantees a three-minute louder and step fully into the rock star life you are made for. You're not too late. You're right on time. And we're just getting started. Here's your host, Lauren Chapnick.

Lauren Chapnick:

Hey, hey, friend. Welcome on back. Thanks so much for joining me. Pull up a chair because today we are talking about momentum, taking action, being brave, and the fact that done is better than perfect. We've all heard fight, flight, or freeze, right? Our sympathetic nervous system kicking into action. But when faced with any decision, any stressful situation, any decision, big or small, we can fight, we can flee, or we can freeze. And the truth of the matter is the majority of the time, most of us freeze because we don't know what to do next. We are paralyzed by decision fatigue or stress or just lack of clarity. And today I want to eliminate fight, flight, or freeze and replace it with listen, identify, go. You're gonna listen to that inner knowing. You're going to identify exactly what you want, and you're gonna go get it. So today, I hope that this episode can give you the tools to take one actionable step today towards what you really want. Whatever it is that has been whispering to you, that inner knowing that says, This is the next step for me, whatever that is, big or small. I want you to really get clear on what it is you really want. Visualize it. And I want you to trust that inner gut feeling that has been whispering to you for some time now. You know what it is. I want you to think what is one actionable step I can do today to move a little bit closer, to inch a little bit closer to that end goal. But here's the thing: you have to get very clear on what it is you really want. Identify it. What is it that you really want? And now that we've trusted our gut, we're gonna get off our butt and we're gonna go get it. We've listened to that inner knowing, we've identified what we want, we've gotten really super clear, we've done some journaling, we've done some mapping out in our mind of what it is. What is that GPS coordinate that you really want? And now we're gonna go get it. And keep in mind that end destination that you want to get to, it can change. You might learn things along the way. I sure hope that you learned some things along the way on your journey. I know I certainly have. Some of you may know that I used to speak to nursing students and I used to coach nursing students, I used to go to different universities, talk to classrooms, speak at orientations, and talk to them about mindset with nursing school, how to do better on exams, how to deal with stress and burnout. And somewhere along the way, as much as I loved doing that, and I love my nursing students, and all that content is still up on YouTube. If you if that's relevant in your life, something was calling to me to pivot directions, and now I speak on intuition and purpose, and that's how this podcast got started. And I'm still speaking on stages and working on new talks, and I'll tell you, those first steps were a little shaky. I mean, I questioned myself for a long time, but I started taking steps, one step at a time. I took a speaking course, even though I had experience talking in front of audiences. My background is actually in musical theater, so I had that experience, but I wanted to get better. I wanted to fine-tune that skill and get reps in and keep practicing. I started just mapping out what would this look like if I made this change. And I started working on this talk, and I gave it for the first time a few weeks ago in Tampa. I've shared some of the clips on Instagram, but I'm gonna share the full 20-minute talk with you today because I want to show you that taking steps forward is not about being perfect. It's gonna be messy, it's not gonna be exactly what you wanted it to be. Things are going to go wrong. But let me tell you, I gave that talk, and I'm giving different adaptations of that talk over the next couple of weeks because of people that I met and things that I learned from watching it back and just the experience of being at that incredible conference, I learned things and the momentum started going, and now it's led to other opportunities. And the talk has adapted and grown, and I have all of these other ideas that have come from it. But if I hadn't taken that first step and given myself the permission to shift, to pivot, to say something isn't feeling quite right anymore with what I'm doing. I really want to shift because there are more people that I want to connect with. I was really niched into the nursing student world. And I think nursing students can still relate to everything that I'm doing, and I still speak to several of my nursing students, but this is the direction that I'm going in now, and I am so grateful that I trusted my gut because it has led right here to where we all are having this conversation, and I want to give you that permission to shift and to go after what you want, but to take that first actionable step. What is it? Is it researching whatever it is that you want to do next? Is it taking a course, or is it just sitting down with your journal and answering the question? What do I really want? What do I really want? Why do I want it? How do I get it? What is something that I can do? Because you are never stuck. Whatever you think is holding you back, whatever you think your obstacle is, you can make that your greatest asset. We'll talk more about that another time because I want to get to this talk. Let me just tell you quickly, it did not go perfect. I was really proud of how it went. I'm really happy I did it. And so many things came from it that were so great. But I'll tell you, technically, there were things that went wrong. I had a video that was supposed to play, it didn't play. You might hear it in the thing. I just say, Well, that didn't work. We got to keep going. No matter how many times I spoke to the technical director, it just didn't happen. And whatever. The video is decent quality, but you can't see the slides. You, if you're watching on YouTube, you can actually see you can't see the slides. I think the screen is up too high. Maybe who knows? It just didn't go perfect. And this was the first time I had actually done this talk in front of a live audience. I was not prepared for when people were gonna laugh. People laughed in places I didn't expect them to. That's gonna happen. And I didn't give enough pause. It took me by surprise. So it's little things like that. It's it's gonna be messy at first. Your first few steps towards whatever you're doing, it's gonna be a hot mess. It's gonna feel that way to you anyway. It's not actually gonna be a hot mess. But how beautiful just to take that step forward and go for it. So I'm gonna play my talk for you now. The title is The Girl with the Walkman. Here it is. All right, let's keep the fun going this morning and play one of my favorite games. Never have I ever. Who's played? If I say something I've never done and you have done it, simply raise your hand. Never have I ever made a phone call from a payphone because cell phones didn't exist. Never have I ever owned a caboodle or a hair crimper. Two hands for both. Never have I ever returned a VHS tape to Blockbuster video or been charged for not rewinding. Now that we've all aged ourselves, never have I ever hesitated to go after something I really wanted because I was afraid. Okay, so we definitely have some things in common, but here's the big one. Every single one of us in this room was once seven years old. So think back a minute. How did you start your day when you were seven? What was that one thing that got you leaping out of bed in the morning, psyched out of your mind? Cartoons. Building forts in the basement out of couch cushions and blankets, making up dance routines to Paula Abdul or New Kids on the Block. Or maybe it was that bowl of Cocoa Krispies you knew was waiting for you just on the weekends. For me, it was Billy Idol. Picture this Christmas 1987. My first cassette tape for my Sony Walkman was Billy Idol. And I spent hours belting out Moni Money and White Wedding because it was fun. I fully embraced my inner rock star because at seven we dream big. We believe we can do anything. Think about this. Would your seven-year-old self ever say to you, you can't do that? You're too old, you're too fat, you don't have the money, you're not smart enough. That will never happen for you. Who do you think you are? Not a chance. That is the adult version of ourselves that's capable of saying all those terrible things. But that other part, that fearless, badass, unstoppable seven-year-old part, would never say those things because she doesn't even know how. At some point, we stop believing that our dreams matter because we stop giving ourselves permission to dream. But what if I told you that fearless girl, the one that's inside all of us, never left. Today, I'm gonna give you the formula to wake her up again. I used to live a double life. On the outside, everything seemed perfect. The boxes were all checked. Two beautiful baby girls, loving husbands, profitable business. We owned our home. But I had a secret. I was falling apart inside. And motherhood. I mean, they tell you it's going to be hard, but nothing prepares you for just how hard. How many moms out there put your hands way up? Moments like this. Oops, I'm going backwards. Moments like this. I call this one potty training gone wrong. My three-year-olds completely naked, mid-meltdown in front of a goat. Or there's this one. I call this one human cow, party of one. I am strapped to a breast pump holding my newborn while my toddler plays behind me. Now I snapped this photo because of the sheer ridiculousness of the moment. Just minutes before, I stupidly told my husband that he should go get some rest and immediately regretted it. Then there was this moment. My oldest daughter, who was three at the time, she's nine now, she took this. And I remember how I felt putting on those same black stretchy pants and oversized t-shirt day after day because nothing else fit. That smile, it was real, but it was also forced. I was exhausted, depressed, lonely, weighted down physically and emotionally. This dark cloud trapped inside kept telling me it was impossible to change. And that belief crushed my confidence and silenced my voice for years. And it wasn't until recently I realized that dark cloud had a name. And she is mean, relentless, and so convincing. And we all have one. I'd like you to meet mine. Her name is Norma. Now, Norma is just plain terrible. She barges in uninvited and just hurls insults at you. She fills you with fear, shame, and doubt every time you try to step into something bigger. Research shows adults average about 50,000 thoughts a day, and 80% are negative. That is Norma's playground. And she is so dangerous because her voice sounds so much like our own. And you know what Norma hates the most? Your seven-year-old self. She cannot stand her joy, her boldness, her rock star dreams. Because your seven-year-old self is not your past. She's your power, she's your intuition. And when we forget the difference between Norma's voice and our own, that's when we're in trouble. So, how do we turn down one so we can turn up the other? Well, I'll tell you how it happened for me. 2020. I turned 40 that year and something happened. Maybe it was the isolation, maybe it was the soup. See, my husband and I, we were both self-employed, raising two kids under four in the middle of a pandemic. And every day we faced our two biggest fears. Are we going to run out of money? Will we have to sell our house? So we ate a lot of soup. So much soup that to this day, one whiff of Campbell's creamy tomato just snaps me right back into survival mode. It was one of the toughest times, but also one of the sweetest. Because for the first time, there was nowhere to rush. No playgrounds, no play dates, no preschool. We were just home. And it hit me. Who do I want to be for them? When the world opens back up, do I want to keep letting Norma speak for me? Or show my girls what it looks like to take charge of your own story. And so when my husband asked, What do you want for your 40th birthday? the words just came out. I swear to you, it was like someone else took over my body. I want to be a nurse. And as soon as I said those words out loud, I was free. That was my first domino. At 40, I finally said, screw this, I am done waiting. I'm going back to school. And I had no idea the power behind that one decision. The inner badass I released by saying those words out loud. Because when you finally decide to dream bigger, you don't just change one thing, you change everything. And that is how you silence Norma. Fast forward to today, I am a nurse. Thank you. And every time I walk through those doors, I never know what's waiting for me on the other side. It's chaotic, it's heavy, and I love it. Because when I walk into work, I'm not just clocking in for a shift. I'm stepping into my purpose, into something bigger than myself. And it didn't take me long to realize who that voice belonged to. The one that blurted out that day, I want to be a nurse. It was her. The girl with the Walkman. It was me breaking free. And once I did, I became unstoppable. Domino after domino, one right after another. I lost close to 70 pounds. But that is a story for another time. Thank you. I rediscovered my confidence, my voice. I wasn't just changing careers, I wasn't just losing weight. I was coming home to myself, reclaiming the parts I had silenced. And it was all happening right on time, exactly as it was supposed to. What I really did, almost by accident, was quiet things down just enough to hear her again. It took a pandemic. It took slowing life way down. But the real question became what exactly did I do? And how can I keep doing it so I never silence that fearless girl again? Four questions. That's what it took. Four simple, life-changing questions that I asked myself and continue to ask myself over and over every single day. They didn't cost me a thing, but they gave me everything clarity, courage, momentum, but most of all, simplicity. Because that's what we all want, right? That is why change is so scary. It seems so daunting. But I thought, what if it doesn't have to be? What if four simple questions are the answer to a happier life? Number one, how can this be easy? When I started using this tool and asked myself over and over, how can this be easy? Suddenly I was back in control and I realized it doesn't have to be so hard. Let's take exercise. How can this be easy? Now, easy doesn't mean lazy. Easy means you are in the driver's seat and you finally get to enjoy the ride. Number two, is it a hell yes? If not, it's a no. If a decision doesn't light you up, if it's not an instant hell yes, I want to do that, it's a no. Trust your gut. It's a split-second feeling and instinct. And listening to it takes practice. This tool, it trains your brain to get crystal clear on what it is you truly want. And it is a simple way to quiet things down so you can really tune in and hear that inner voice. That's your intuition. And this is a hack, a simpler way to get there. Number three, ask yourself, who do I want to be? And act as if. Don't wait to become the person you want to be. Act as if you already are. Because action creates identity. So ask yourself, what would a blank blank do and then do that? This works everywhere. Are you feeling unmotivated? What would a successful entrepreneur do? Would they pour themselves a drink and binge watch Netflix? Or sit down and map out their business plan? What would a healthy and strong person do? Skip the workout or unroll their yoga mat and show up anyway? This is how we transform. We don't wait, we don't wish, we decide, and we step into it. So who do you want to be? Act as if and watch yourself become. Number four, how can this be more fun? Life is not going to hand you more fun. You have to create it. And when you do, watch how everything, your energy, your relationships, your entire day starts to shift. Energy is contagious. If you let the silliness in and allow yourself to play, you can't help but influence everyone around you. And the science is there to back this up. Play lowers stress, boosts creativity, strengthens connection, and recharges your brain. Even just five minutes of laughter is enough to reset your entire system. Are the kids fighting in the car? Find a safe spot to pull over, get everyone out, and start an impromptu game of red light, green light. True story. This question can be the difference between another stressful day or a fun, ridiculous memory you actually want to keep. What these four questions really do is simplify your life, cut through the noise, and force you to face the one question that changes everything. What do I really want and why do I want it? And why am I waiting? So I'll ask you, what are you waiting for? What will you wish you had done 10 years from now? If you knew you had five years left to live, what would you do differently? I've been at the bedside when someone hears those words, you have cancer, or it's back. I've seen how differently people love, speak, forgive, and show up when they know their time is limited. And here's what I've learned all of our time is limited. So what has been whispering or maybe screaming at you for years, because I guarantee you, whatever that is, it's your seven-year-old self. The girl with the Walkman. She's still in there. And once you tip that first domino, that change becomes unstoppable. So stop waiting for the perfect plan. Stop waiting for permission. Because nothing has gone wrong. Everything has prepared you for what's next. The only question is, are you ready to listen to her? Are you ready to leap out of bed? Say yes to your craziest rock star dreams. Because she's still in there. She's been waiting for you. And it's time. Thank you. All right. So there you have it. That was my talk in Tampa, Florida. I hope you enjoyed it. And regardless, I hope that today you make the decision to take that first step, that brave, clear step towards what it is you want, and you start on your own journey of personal growth, greatness, and change because you deserve to live your biggest, best life. So trust your gut, get off your butt, go out there and get it. Have a great day, everybody. Make today awesome, and I'll see you the next time. Bye-bye.

Announcer:

Thanks for tuning in to Biggest Best Life. If today lit a fire in you, follow, review, and share it with someone who needs the part. And remember to text Best Life one word at 833 685 6463. Get Lauren's weekly dose of motivation to your phone. Now go out there. Live boldly, love wildly, and never settle for less than your biggest best life.