Biggest Best Life

How to Stay Calm, Be Present, and Create the Life You Really Want

• Lauren Chapnick • Season 1 • Episode 13

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Ever walked into a party and felt the host’s stress hit you like a wall? We’ve been that host too—and it taught us a powerful reframe: choose your feeling before you choose your to-do list. In this conversation, we break down a simple, practical method to set the tone you want—calm, warm, playful—and actually enjoy the moment you worked so hard to create.

We start by asking one question that changes everything: how do I want to feel? From there, we expand it to how do I want them to feel, because your energy leads the room. Then we get tactical with a three-step plan you can use for events and everyday life: plan for tomorrow’s you so the heavy lifting is done early, delegate generously to the capable people around you, and trust yourself enough to let go when it’s showtime. Along the way, we share real examples—from hosting to bedtime routines—that reveal how presence beats perfection and why guests remember your vibe more than your menu.

To close, we offer a bonus conflict hack that works in the heat of the moment: how do I want this to end? Whether you’re negotiating with a partner or tucking in wired kids, that question points you toward peace and better outcomes without another 20-minute rerun of the same old fight. Expect practical scripts, mindset shifts, and a reminder that joy is the point—not flawless choreography. If you’re ready to lead your home, relationships, and gatherings with intention, you’ll leave with a clear path to feel-first living and results that actually stick.

If this resonates, follow the show, leave a quick review, and share it with someone who needs a calmer way to lead their day. Text Best Life (one word) to 833-681-6463 for Lauren’s weekly motivation straight to your phone.

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Lauren Chapnick:

Make sure you stay to the end of the episode because I'm going to give you a bonus question to ask yourself when it comes to conflict.

Announcer:

Welcome to Biggest Best Life, the podcast that guarantees a three-bit louder and step fully into the rock star life you are made for. You're not too late. You're right on time. And we're just getting started. Here's your host, Lauren Chapnick.

Lauren Chapnick:

Hey my friends, welcome on back. This is Lauren Chapnick. I'm your host of Biggest Best Life. And if this is your first time here, welcome. And if you're a longtime friend, thanks for coming back. Have you ever been to any event, a party, a family gathering, anything? And when you walk in, you don't really feel welcome. You feel this weird vibe of almost frantic energy. And the host or hostess is just not really present with you. They're scattered, they're frantic. Understandably, maybe they are putting together this party, this event, this day, and they are just not there with you. So it makes the whole start of the experience not that great. You may end up having a great time. That person may chill out a bit and have fun, but from the moment you walk in, you get this weird vibe. Maybe that person has been you and you didn't even realize it. Have you ever planned any event, a party, a family dinner, literally anything? And by the end of it, you think back and you're like, that was so much work, and it was so exhausting and so stressful that I don't really want to do that again for a long time. I've definitely been there. And when you first thought about hosting this thing, you thought it would be fun. That was the idea. You were getting people together, you were planning this thing, and it turned out not to be that way. Well, what I'm going to share with you today, it applies not only to events and gatherings, but it applies to your day-to-day life. As you get out your planner and you go through your week, you go through your day. I want you to start with one question. How do I want to feel? Not what do I need to get done? Not what do I need to buy? Not who else needs what? I want you to answer this question. How do I want to feel? And start from there. Everything else starts from there. Because how you feel, your energy is contagious. I say that all the time. It's so true. If you want to feel happy, joyful, loving, giving, warm, then you have to start from that place. And if you are inviting people into your home or you're gathering people together, also ask yourself, how do I want them to feel? How do I want them to feel from the moment they walk in? Because Maya Angelou says, you may not remember what somebody said to you, but you do remember how they made you feel. I think about that as a nurse all the time. Because they are looking to me as somebody that they trust. So I might be panicking inside, but I can't show that. I need to show them love and compassion and gain their trust. Anyway, this is about you and how you are navigating through your day-to-day. And if you do have a big event, this is just what kind of sparked it for me because I ended up having a really good time at this event. But the person who was holding it really never quite calmed down. When you are hosting an event, when you are inviting people, when you are the leader, that's what you are. You're the leader. They're looking to you, they're taking their vibe off of you. So if you are running around like a chicken, they're not gonna feel welcome. The second part of that is it's not only how do you want to feel, it's how do you want everyone else to feel. When people walk in to whatever you're doing, and I don't, I don't care if this is just a kid's party. You want people to feel warm and welcome. It's not really possible to do that if your energy doesn't match that. And I have totally been there. I have absolutely been the host of one or two birthday parties where I was a hot mess because I was trying to make sure everything else was taken care of and I just didn't end up having a good time. And gosh, I really hope I didn't make my guests feel the way that I did at this event. But here's what I want you to start with. How do I want to feel? Because that is going to dictate everything else that you do. If you want to feel centered and calm, there's no way you're gonna run around and raise your voice to anybody. There's no way you're gonna let yourself get irritable. Not just that question, but you're gonna have a three-step process with planning an event, sure, of course, but also with your day-to-day. And as you go through your week, this is what I want you to do. This is how I want you to think about it. How do I want to feel? How do I want others around me to feel? And then you're gonna do these three things. You're going to plan. And plan means plan for tomorrow's version of you. So if you know that you have all of these things that you have to get through, how much of it can you get done today? How much of it can just be step into it tomorrow and it's ready to go? That's going to make things so much easier. Number two, you're gonna delegate as much as you possibly can. If you're planning an event and you have any sort of help around you, most of us don't have the luxury of hiring a party planner to just not lift a finger and do everything. That would be nice. I'd love to have a personal party planner assistant that just did everything for me. But we do have friends, we do have family, we do have our kids who are more capable than we give them credit for sometimes. There's a lot that they can do to take the load off of us. Because how many times do you say nobody's going to do it as well as I do? Number three, you're gonna let go and you're gonna trust. You're gonna let go and trust that you have done enough. You're gonna enjoy yourself at this event, or you're gonna enjoy this day. You're gonna enjoy whatever you have planned for yourself because life is too short not to. You didn't decide to do this thing, to plan this party, to go for this new job, to try to give this speech on this stage to whatever it is you're doing. You didn't plan to do that so that you would be miserable or stressed out or anxious about it. You did it because you wanted to, and you did it because you wanted to have fun. That's how this whole conversation started, right? It was about you originally wanted to plan this event because it was going to be fun. You thought you would have a good time, and then it ended up being backfired on you, became totally miserable. That's not what I want for you. This show is about trusting your gut, getting off your butt, and living your biggest best life. And in order to do that, we have to enjoy it, we have to be joyful as we go through life, and this is the way to do it. How do I want to feel? I promised you a bonus question, and here it is. Have you ever found yourself in a conflict? Hey, I have. Have you ever been in a conflict with anybody? And it didn't end well. This is my very simple hack to end the show today. I'm laughing because of course we've all had conflicts. Here it is. How do I want this to end? Let's take bedtime, for example. How many of you are totally irritable by the time you're putting your kids to bed? For those of you who have kids, you're irritated, you just want to say, go to bed, just go to bed. How do I want this to end? Do you want your kids to go to sleep feeling anxious because mom got irritated? Or do you want your kids to feel calm, peaceful, safe? How do I want this to end? Do you really want to get into another fight with your partner about the sticky counter or picking up socks off the floor or whatever is the repeat fight that you have with your partner? Do you really want to have that again and take up 20 minutes of your time and say the same things and not get anywhere? How do you want this to end? What do you want from this? I mean, you could say the same question that we said before. How do I want to feel? But I think it's more specific than that. How do I want this to end? Do I want this to end in a screaming fight? Do I want this to end in tears? Or do I want this to end in peace? How do I want this to end? Ask yourself that in the middle of a conflict, it may change how you behave. And then that will change how the other person behaves. It's as simple as that. It's intention, it's knowing what you want, it's getting very clear about what you want. Because if you know what you want, which in this case is how you want to feel, if I know that I am planning my daughter's sixth birthday party, and I want to feel calm, and I want to feel playful, and I want to feel joyous, then I will take the steps to do that. I will plan, I will delegate, and I will trust that everything was done, and I will let it go and enjoy myself on that day. Instead of having a full-blown panic attack at my daughter's six-year-old birthday party because who knows why? Why? Because the waffles were cold. Like, give me a break, guys. Life is too short for any of this. Let's enjoy ourselves, let's have fun, let's get out there and live our biggest, best lives. And let's be contagious about it. Let's be intentional about it. That's what you deserve. That's what your family deserves. That's what everybody who surrounds you deserves. They deserve the best version of you. Make today awesome. Trust your gut. Get off your butt. Ask yourself, how do I want to feel? And make it happen. Bye.

Announcer:

Thanks for tuning in to Biggest Best Life. If today lit a fire in you, follow, review, and share it with someone who needs the smart. And remember to text Best Life one word at 833 681 6463. To get Lauren's weekly dose of motivation right through your phone. Now go out there. Live boldly. And never settle for less than your biggest best life.