Biggest Best Life

Breaking the Silence on Domestic Violence and Reclaiming Your Power with guest Michelle Jewsbury

• Lauren Chapnick • Season 1 • Episode 17

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In this powerful episode of Biggest Best Life, Lauren sits down with author, speaker, and advocate Michelle Jewsbury to explore the hidden realities of domestic violence, psychological abuse, and the long road to healing.

This conversation dives deep into the early signs of emotional manipulation, why survivors struggle to leave abusive relationships, and how reclaiming your voice can become the turning point toward freedom. Michelle shares her personal story—from childhood trauma to an abusive relationship that nearly cost her everything—and the exact moment that shifted everything and set her on a path to healing, advocacy, and global impact.

Michelle is the founder of Unsilenced Voices, a nonprofit serving survivors of domestic violence and human trafficking internationally. She also leads the bestselling book series Breaking the Silence, helping survivors share their stories and transform their pain into purpose.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone who has experienced trauma, supports survivors, or wants to understand the deep psychological patterns behind abusive relationships. It’s also an empowering reminder that healing is possible, your story matters, and you are never alone.

What We Cover in This Episode

• Childhood trauma and early experiences with family separation
How early abandonment shaped Michelle's beliefs about herself and created patterns that later influenced her relationships.

• The subtle red flags of emotional and psychological abuse
The early warning signs survivors often miss, including love bombing, fast attachment, isolation, control around money, and manipulation disguised as care.

• Why survivors stay
A clear and compassionate explanation of the brainwashing, bonding, trauma cycles, financial abuse, fear, and psychological conditioning that keep victims trapped.

• The first act of physical violence and how abuse escalates over time
How one moment becomes a pattern, and how survivors learn to minimize danger to survive it.

• The breaking point and what finally made her leave
The shocking discovery that snapped her into clarity and began her healing journey.

• How storytelling became a tool for healing and empowerment
The therapeutic act of writing her experience, her solo play, and why telling the truth is essential for reclaiming identity.

• Founding Unsilenced Voices and creating global impact
How Michelle began working in Ghana, Sierra Leone, Rwanda, and the US to support survivors of domestic violence, human trafficking, and extreme poverty.

• Financial abuse and why it must be part of the domestic violence conversation
How abusers use credit, money, and debt to trap victims, and what needs to change.

• Advice for anyone who feels trapped in an abusive relationship
Practical steps, documentation strategies, safety planning, and how to take the first brave step forward.

• What the world misunderstands about domestic violence survivors
Why victim-blaming is still widespread and the mindset shift society desperately needs.

• How Michelle rebuilt her life and found healthy love
Her new relationship, her boundaries, and the rules they created for safe, respectful communication.

Connect With Michelle Jewsbury

Free intro to her book But I Love Him:
Text Legacy to 26786 (US only)

Website: MichelleJewsbury.com
Learn more about Unsilenced Voices and how to support their mission.

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Michelle Jewsbury:

And he was scared that I was going to ruin his life. And going through that, I remember I was a bartender at the time, and I would get home at three o'clock in the morning, and I remember parking my car and having to take the elevator to the third floor. And I used to always think that once the doors opened, he would be standing there, or somebody that he had hired would be standing there with a gun ready to kill me. So it was very, very scary.

Announcer:

Welcome to Biggest Best Life, the podcast that dares you to dream big, look louder, and step fully into the rock star life you are made for. You're not too late. You're right on time. And we're just getting started. Here's your host, Lauren Chapnick.

Lauren Chapnick:

Hello, everybody, and welcome to Biggest Best Life. I'm Lauren Chapnick. I am your host. And before I introduce today's guest, I want to give you a heads up that we do cover the topics of domestic violence, domestic abuse in today's episode. So if you have young ears listening, it might be better to wait until later to hear this episode or pop into the early triggering topic for you. And I wanted to give you that little morning so that you could do a different episode. Not only share her story and find her voice, but to help a hundred of other people, survivors, share their story and find their voice. She's got an incredible story, and she's here with us now. Here she is. So I read your first book, but I love him, and I just loved it. It was so powerful and raw, and you share your story of survival and resilience, but you also talk about your childhood. And you share an incident that happened when you were just seven years old, and your brother was five with your mother. Would you mind telling us about that and what happened? No problem. You've done your due diligence.

Michelle Jewsbury:

Let me tell you what, she's read my book and she knows a lot about me, guys. Um, so when I was seven, my daddy was in boot camp, and my mom was a waitress in a restaurant, and one of her friends actually framed her for possession of cocaine. So my dad was down south in boot camp and could not leave. And the police came and took my mother, and the state wanted to take my brother and I. So my dad and my mom figured out some type of plan to ship us to our grandparents' house so the state couldn't get us. So this was my little stint in I think it was Salt Lake City or Reno, I don't remember which one, but that area, and that's when I ended up moving there. I didn't see my mom or my dad for months, and it was very, very debilitating and shocking. And as a child, I internalized a lot of that thinking that I was a bad girl, I did something wrong. So when I was reunited with my family, well, my my uh mom and dad, I was with my grandparents, but when I was reunited with my my mom and my dad, I um was on my best behavior. Did you have any idea what was going on? I mean, you're seven years old. I I didn't really know anything. And my people did you have a warning? No, no. I remember my mom dropping my brother and I off at school, and she said she'd be back in the afternoon pick us up, and she didn't come pick us up. Uh, we had grandparents in the Sand Point, Idaho area that came to pick us up and then drove us down south to my other grandparents. Wow. Yeah. When you're in the midst of some type of turmoil or trauma, you literally are fight or flight. You are in it, you are not looking at it as a big picture. So I teach a course called Legacy Camp, and I was talking about this the other day with my with my clients. And if you're on the screen in a movie, you don't actually see the movie from the seats. Yeah. So that means that you are just doing what it is that you think is necessary without looking at the bigger picture, and that's sort of what happened to me. That makes sense.

Lauren Chapnick:

Yeah. So if you could go back in time as the woman you are right now, as Michelle, strong, resilient woman, and talk to the seven-year-old Michelle during that confusing time. What's one thing you would say to her? It's not your fault.

Michelle Jewsbury:

It's not your fault. See, when we go through situations, we internalize it, and we think that you know we're the only ones. We think that it's our fault. We think we could have done something different, but it it's not true. And these are just words that keep playing in our head over and over and over again. However, it is up to us to understand and do the research and do the homework and do the therapy and get the self-help to realize that it really wasn't your fault. So I have a lot of clients that have been through childhood abuse, sexual abuse, uh cult survivorship, uh, suicide, addiction, you name it, lots of domestic violence, human trafficking, and oftentimes they internalize this as it being them. And in reality, that is not the case. But it takes so much more time to heal than it does to go through a horrible traumatic experience. Yes. And some people never get to that point.

Lauren Chapnick:

And some people never get to that point. No, it takes a lot of hard work. You decide you're going to move to LA and become a movie star. Yeah. Um, how old were you at that point?

Michelle Jewsbury:

So when I fell in love with acting, I knew I wanted to go to Hollywood.

Lauren Chapnick:

Okay, that was always the plan.

Michelle Jewsbury:

That was always the plan.

Lauren Chapnick:

But then you actually made it happen. I did.

Michelle Jewsbury:

I know a lot of people talk and they don't actually take the action. When I say something, it's there's like this something inside of me. Well, people know I have to actually get it done. You do it. Do it, exactly. But I didn't get in to the college that I wanted. Uh, there was a lot of politics that happened around cheerleading and things like that. So I decided screw it. I went to one year of college and just moved to Hollywood. Yeah. Like, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna go for it. So I did and I loved it. And when I went, uh it was glamour and glitz. But coming from a small town, although I was diversified because I had moved so much and and I had seen other cultures, LA is a whole different beast. Yeah. So when I when I arrived in LA, I was like, oh my gosh, look at all of this! And I ended up getting myself into drug abuse and doing all kinds of things that looking back were not the smartest decisions. However, I still love the the acting, the craft of acting, but I discovered that I hated the business side of Hollywood. I didn't really get my claim to fame until years later when I uh landed a Papa Murphy's pizza commercial, and I thought that I was on my way. That's awesome! Yeah, this was well after some of the horrible things that happened to me, which was really interesting. Yeah.

Lauren Chapnick:

Okay, so we'll skip ahead a bit, and you meet and fall in love with this man, Paul. Um, and this ultimately became an emotionally, financially, and eventually physically abusive relationship. Looking back to your early days with him, developing your friendship and going into a relationship. Were there any red flags, warning signs that you maybe ignored or not ignored, but overlooked? Um I ignored.

Michelle Jewsbury:

Okay. And I also, you know, you're kind of naive when you're head over heels falling in love with somebody. You're young. You and I was young. Yeah. You know, I was definitely immature in um in many ways. So when I was reintroduced to Paul, so I actually met Paul a couple years prior to that, ended up moving to Hollywood, and then I had to join a social media site, and because I joined that, it used all of my emails and sent out requests to be friends, and that's how we were reunited. Okay. So he started to pursue me, and he was young and vibrant, he had a passion for life and for doing bigger things. And I was from a middle class, lower middle class family who, you know, I got my school clothes on Christmas. That's that's how it worked. So when I was introduced to him, he showed me a whole new version of life. He started courting me, gifts, flowers. He um really started taking me out to ball games and concerts, and he even chartered private planes sometimes for us. So it was this whole new life, and I thought that this was a fairy tale romance. However, the control was there from the very beginning, and these were little red flags that I didn't see. He would tell me that I need a new car and he wants to buy me a new car, but then he wants to run over my other vehicle with a bulldozer. And later on, when I actually allowed him to get me a new car, it was a how do I say this? It was something that he used to control my actions. So if I was a bad girl, I couldn't use my car. He would take it from me. He he used this against me all of the time. But this was something that he started and it rolled into so many different things. My the clothing that I wore, the shoes that I wore. At first, you know, you have this romance, this guy who's like, Oh, let me buy you this or let me do this for you. Well, in reality, it's like, no, I want you to dress this way, I want you to be this way, act this way, and if you don't, there's gonna be repercussions. So early I didn't really see it. And I remember I was uh going to a church in Los Angeles called Mosaic, and I was I had met a friend there, a girlfriend of mine, and we were walking across the street, and I remember telling her, I found this man, I think I'm falling in love. I you know, I I'm so excited, and I heard an audible no from God. Wow! Like God screaming at me, no, and I ignored it. See, there are there are things, especially being a woman, right? If if you're a woman listening to this, we have intuition, maybe more so than a man. I'm not saying that you know we're better or worse, we just have different skill sets, and my intuition told me early on that this was a very, very bad idea. So I continued with it anyway because I loved the idea of love. My mom and my dad were married their entire lives. Uh, the last five years of my dad's life, my mom and my dad were running around Walmart tickling each other, and I was gagging in the back. I'm like, oh god. Um, but I wanted this. Yeah. So I thought that Paul was gonna be this Prince Charming. And then he started to control even more. He didn't want me to carry a purse. He wanted to take care of everything. At first, this is lovely. Oh, cool, yeah, awesome. He would order for me. He would um not just my food, my cocktails, anything that I thought that I wanted. Oh, I've got it, I'll take care of it. But really, it was just him taking control over everything. And he moved the relationship forward very quickly and wanted me to leave Los Angeles and move in with him, which was hours north of there, uh, where I would leave my congregation, I would leave the friends that I have, and I would move in with him. He had me quit my job, and this was all within the first five months of our relationship. So that's a huge red flag. If somebody wants to move the relationship forward that quickly and especially relocate you to someplace where you don't have association, huge red flag.

Lauren Chapnick:

As much as you feel comfortable, are you comfortable sharing the first time he ever got physical with you? Of course.

Michelle Jewsbury:

Um from what I remember, this was a while ago now. Uh, we ended up going out to like a bar, and I flirted with somebody he thought. We ended up going back to the house, and he got in my face and started screaming at me, and he pushed me so hard against the wall that my head literally went through it. So there was a huge indentation in the wall, and I remember stepping forward and looking behind me at the at the hole in the drywall because he had left the like right afterwards and just left in in a in fury. And I remember thinking, oh, I need to patch this, not I need to run away. Wow, yeah, and and I think that I started to understand or think that I was triggering him. So the Jacqueline Hyde came out, right? The um the me gaslighting, right? Gaslighting me and making me think that I didn't remember things correctly, that he was right. So I really internalized that. That first incident, I mean, very first incident, which was I want to say maybe four months, three months into our relationship, and I patched the hole. And if you read my book, you'll know that it got way worse.

Lauren Chapnick:

Yes. So I know you are asked a lot and you don't like the question, why didn't you just leave? Can you help our listeners to understand the deep psychological influence and brainwashing that happens with survivors of domestic abuse and why it's so hard to leave?

Michelle Jewsbury:

Yeah, it's the psychological manipulation, is really what happens. So, in my situation, you know, he was this amazing knight in shining armor when I met him. And we laughed together, we threw popcorn at each other, we kissed, we made love, we did all of these things. And the first time physical violence happened, which was that pushed my head going through it, it was this, oh, what just happened? It was a dizzying effect. It wasn't startling as far as fearful that very first time. It was just, wait, what just happened here? And then the apology stage. I'm sorry, I promise I won't ever do that again. I got triggered, it won't ever happen. And then your partner starts to open up about things that you feel you can only help him with. So he starts to let you in on childhood traumas that he's had, secrets that he's known, he's done, uh, starts to cry and become emotional, and you really create this codependent bond between the two of you. And then when the emotional abuse and then the physical violence, the sexual violence happens again, it's literally one or two days every other month, it's not every day, right? And this is what people don't understand, yeah, and it's not a question that I hate, it's it's just something that people need to do their due diligence to look into. Right. It is not the victim's fault for staying. No, no, there is a lot of manipulation, there is power struggle, there are so many different factors that lead into having somebody stay in an abusive relationship. And for me, it really was all of these combined. And when he started opening up to me and telling me like I'm the only one, we started talking about kids and marriage and all of this. It when it got bad, I was already so far in it. And then when I got bad, that's when you get scared. Yeah, so when it got really bad, I couldn't leave. I was scared for my family's life, I was scared for my life, I was scared financially he was abusing me. So back then I was so worried that he was gonna wreck my credit, which in reality he did for seven years. Yeah, and I finally, at 42 years old, recovered last year. Wow, which is really huge, and we need to change that for survivors of domestic violence because it's so inhibiting for getting a job, renting an apartment, purchasing a home, things like that, especially if if these victims and survivors have children. A lot of this needs to be changed and shifted. I don't think that I press on this as frequently as I should of the financial abuse, yeah, of what's gonna happen to me financially when I leave, because he had he I I felt that he was just gonna leave me destitute. And it's not that I needed his money, but he ruined my credit. He ruined everything, and in reality, that's what happened, and I was so scared of that that it kept me trapped.

Lauren Chapnick:

Um, so you you eventually you did leave. Yeah. What was the moment where you said I need to leave for good and not look back? What happened?

Michelle Jewsbury:

It really wasn't like that. What happened is we went through multiple phases of extreme violence. So if you read my book, there's this October event that went on. I was beat for hours, like four or five hours. It was awful. And then we started going to therapy. He started to change. Uh, there was a horrible event that happened outside of a nightclub where he ended up lifting me up and slamming my head down against a cement bench. There were many witnesses that led into lots of legal issues, and I was not cooperative in the very beginning. I was not cooperative with police because of that codependency, of that fear, of that love that you thought. But fast forward, I um he and I were trying to make things work. So I was living and driving back and forth to him from Los Angeles, and I ended up going to his place, staying the night, and I couldn't sleep. And he was sleeping and snoring next to me, and I was like, uh, maybe I'll get up and watch a movie. So I got up and I grabbed his laptop. I didn't want to turn on the big TV. I grabbed his laptop, opened the laptop, and all of a sudden, these messages on Facebook started flashing.

Lauren Chapnick:

Okay.

Michelle Jewsbury:

And once you read something, you can't stop reading. Yeah. And it wasn't like I was snooping, it literally popped up and I was like, what is this? Yeah. And I started reading. And it was these women, one is what I thought, but it was multiple, that were talking about last week's dinner and last week's evening and things like that. So I I learned that he was having affairs on me. That's when something snapped in my brain. I was tolerating the emotional, the physical, the sexual, the manipulation, all of this abuse. Then I, you know, ripped the covers off of him, uh, wanted to him to wake up. He was fighting and combative with me at first, and then he admitted that he had cheated on me with multiple people, and I lost it. I literally dove myself into a bottle of whiskey uh every night for the next week, two weeks, and then he looked at me and said, You should go back to LA and get your head screwed on right. So that's what I did. I went back to LA and he wanted me to recover so we could get back together. But when I was there, I started to document my story, just started to write things out.

Lauren Chapnick:

Yeah.

Michelle Jewsbury:

And when I started to write things out and read it back to myself, I was like, holy crap, I cannot believe that this is me, that I had gone through this, and it was this aha moment, this awakening, this um realization that wow, this is way worse than I thought.

Lauren Chapnick:

It was was that the first time you had really truly faced it? Yeah. Yeah. So you cut ties with him. In the book, you share that Paul offered you a very large sum of money to sign a non-disclosure agreement, basically to buy your silence to not share details of his abuse. Can you talk about what that was like deciding whether or not to sign that?

Michelle Jewsbury:

At first, it was him wanting to keep me quiet, and he was scared that I was going to ruin his life. And going through that, I remember I was a bartender at the time, and I would get home at three o'clock in the morning, and I remember parking my car and having to take the elevator to the third floor. And I used to always think that once the doors opened, he would be standing there, or somebody that he had hired would be standing there with a gun ready to kill me. So it was very, very scary. I did not want to be silenced. I started speaking out, and once I started speaking out, I started to realize how large the problem was. There was nothing in me that wanted to settle with him that would keep me quiet. So I didn't do it. Like this just wasn't an option for me. Looking back now, I've gone through so much healing that I feel bad for him. I really hope and pray that he's getting the help that he needs because hurt people hurt people, no matter how cliche that sounds. Yes. He needs to get work and help done so he doesn't continue and repeat this type of abuse to the people that he loves. And unfortunately, most abusers don't get the help that they need. So I pray that that he is recovering. My goal is not to ruin his whole life. My goal is for him to get help. And it was it was really empowering at the time to be able to take my voice back, though. During this time, I was also writing, and I ended up writing a 65-minute solo play about my experience. And during that writing process, that's what was so therapeutic. Because I was scared, I was petrified, but I felt God calling me for something more. No matter how hard it was, I needed to move forward not just for myself but for other people around me.

Lauren Chapnick:

Wow. So tell me what led you to creating unsilenced voices, your nonprofit.

Michelle Jewsbury:

Yeah, so when I was young, I used to have dreams about me surrounded by a bunch of children. African children, to be precise. So me with a bunch of dark-skinned kids. And I this was way before I found Christ, and I I never knew what these dreams meant. Fast forward, I start volunteering with organizations. I start to want to go on mission trips, and I started going first to Guatemala to the Rio Dolce, and then I ended up in Kenya. And when I was in Kenya, that's when I was like, oh wow, it's if you've never been to Africa, it is beautiful. The people are beautiful. There's so much turmoil, but it's just so worth going. So I ended up volunteering for a nonprofit called YVA, Young Vision Africa, and I dove right in. And when I dove in, I immediately became vice president and I started, you know, taking over stuff and fundraising and doing all this, and I learned in that process what to do and what not to do. So it was very eye-opening. Still at that point, I didn't think I was gonna start my own organization. Uh, we dissolved, I left, and all of a sudden I felt called, now you get to start one. What? What are you talking about? And I was bartending at the time, and I remember pouring Jack and Cokes and grabbing people beers, and I remember saying to some of my clients and customers at the bar, I think I'm gonna start a nonprofit. They're like, Alright, cool, Michelle, awesome. You go do you pour me a shot? So I did. I just I my first mastermind was my bar rail, which was hilarious. I remember like, all right, so I'm doing all the paperwork myself, and now I gotta figure out a name. So I worked a Saturday afternoon shift, and there was a couple people at the bar, and what do you guys think of this? What do you think of that? Literally, we came up with unsilenced voices at the bar. Love it, which is hilarious. And I didn't know exactly what we were gonna do. Yeah. I was like, I just I think we're supposed to start this.

Lauren Chapnick:

I don't know what I'm doing. So tell me about some of the work that you do and then the book that you publish every year. Yeah, of course.

Michelle Jewsbury:

So um 2017 Unsilenced Voices was founded, and then there was a Ghanaian doctor that came into the bar and said, You should go to my hometown and see what you can do. And I said, sure. And I packed my bags and flew to Ghana. Wow. And when I was there, it was his family that I stayed with, and then I didn't know when I we went around and I just started shaking hands with people. I remember I was going to speak to a group of women, and I had dressed like I would in the US to go speak to this group of women, and it was in the slums of Ghana. Wow, it was very shocking and eye-opening, and I realized then, okay, this is way bigger than me, and I wanted to also expand. So YVA worked in Sierra Leone, and I always had a heart for Sierra Leone because I was able to go to Sierra Leone with YVA early on. I wanted to go there, didn't really know what I wanted to do. And when we started in Sierra Leone, I ended up hiring the manager that I had worked with years ago with YVA, and he said, Let's go to a bar. And I'm like, Okay, why are we going to a bar? So we went to a bar, I ordered beer, he ordered a beer, we sat down, he said, Look around you. And I looked, I opened up my eyes, and I saw a lot of young girls. And at that point, he's like, If you see what I see, this is when I want to stop. And I said, Okay, I'm in, let's do it. So we started small. There was a young girl, her name was Matilda. Um, that night we met her and said, Hey, we want to enroll you in vocational training, we'll pay for your materials, and didn't really understand everything that we would do, but materials and stipend and and medical and counseling and all of this now is what is included. But we enrolled her and she showed up at 6 a.m. the next morning at school. I didn't even get there until a few hours later than that. She was just waiting, she was eager, she wanted to get off the streets. These young girls were there from 11 uh years old all the way up until early 30s, selling their bodies for a dollar fifty cents. Um, many of Them abused, 99% of them have been abused sexually, physically, many of them children having children, many of them not knowing any other way out, a lot of them trafficked from other countries to Sierra Leone. And you know, we just started, and in doing so, we've developed a lot in Sierra Leone. So currently we do uh we help two villages through agricultural programs, sex worker programs, malnutrition programs. Uh, we are working with the US Peace Corps for that. There's a lot of babies who are malnourished and dying of starvation, so we help with that. Um, we have what's called Matilda's program because eventually we learned Matilda was HIV positive and she passed away in her village. So we named the um this this program of vocational training after her. And we have many, many girls in that program. We have hundreds of girls waiting on a wait list because we can't afford it all. Um, but there's a lot of counseling, there's a lot of medical, there's a lot of um empowerment that happens over there. And we don't only work in Sierra Leone, we've also done some work in Rwanda. We partnered with a couple organizations there, and then we've also done work in the US. So we published a curriculum called Graced for Prosperity that helps individuals who have experienced abuse andor human trafficking to overcome and really integrate themselves back into society. Talks about financial literacy, talks about mindset, all of these different things. It's a really great curriculum that was developed with Misty Kerrigan, who is a lovely woman who's worked in this field for 30, 40 plus years. She helped me write this. And you know, we're just moving forward as best as we can, serving as best as we can.

Lauren Chapnick:

And then you also publish a volume of Breaking the Silence, uh, Voices of Survivors every year. So can you just talk a little bit about this and how how has this helped with your healing as well?

Michelle Jewsbury:

So I was not taking a salary from unsilenced voices. There was one year we had enough financially where I could take a small salary, but I needed to also make sure to pay my bills. So instead of staying as a bartender and trying to run a nonprofit organization, I decided to start my own business. So I run a for-profit and a non-profit. They go hand in hand, but they're completely different. With the for-profit, I was at my apartment on Davis Islands in um a couple years ago in Tampa, and this book collaboration just kind of came to me. I'm like, maybe I'll put together a book collab. So I put together the first book collaboration, Breaking the Silence, didn't know really how large it was going to become. Uh, 20 authors telling their stories of overcoming not just domestic violence issues, but any type of adversity. We're talking grief, suicide attempts, addiction, um domestic violence, surviving occult, uh, trafficking, you name it, all kinds of different different things.

Lauren Chapnick:

Is this the first time that some of these women are telling their story is in this book?

Michelle Jewsbury:

And it's not just women. Okay. Men telling their story as well. Wonderful. Yeah. Yeah. So it's men and women. Primarily it's just women, but there's men who are telling their stories too. So put this book together. We were number one on Amazon in multiple categories, number one new release, got the authors a lot of exposure. Martha Cartouy is a great example of what can happen. She published in volume one, less than six months later, she published her own book, and now she's speaking on stages larger than I've been on. So it's amazing seeing these clients and survivors use their story to make a difference. So it's creating a domino effect of change, and that's why I continue to do this because this is not my book, it's their book. I don't own any of the rights to their stories. We publish under the umbrella of my for-profit business for protection. I teach them, you know, names, dates, locations, pertinent details need to change to avoid defamation cases. However, publishing and speaking the truth in your story is really the only way that things can really change on this planet. And it's through speaking and writing, even movement therapies and things like action, taking action steps can change the trajectory of where this planet is going. And you asked specifically about the healing that I've received by doing this. Um, it just reiterates the fact that I'm not alone and that there's so many individuals out there who've experienced something, yeah, and that something can be used to make a difference.

Lauren Chapnick:

Yeah. What would you say to somebody who is trapped in a relationship like yours or stuck in a situation that they feel they can't get out of? Take the first step, right?

Michelle Jewsbury:

Talk to a therapist, talk to a nonprofit organization that helps in this arena, talk to somebody or something as far as an organization to see what your next steps are. Because if you feel trapped in a in a situation, it's time for you to leave. But leaving is scary. So even what I did, I it took me months and months to strategically plan how to get out, primarily because of finances, and that's why a lot of people end up staying, is I have kids to feed, and I don't know where the money's gonna come from. I don't know how I'm gonna get them to school, and this right? So I started paying my car payment double per month while I was with my abuser. So by the time I had the courage to break free, I at least had a vehicle. You know, I was uh contacting um old family friends that you know, once I'm ready, can I stay with you? And then I took legal action and I highly encourage you to do so. It's very difficult, you don't have to do that by any means. Um, but get things documented. Take photographs if you're being physically abused, uh, keep a diary and keep a diary secret so your abuser doesn't see it. Uh so it could be something on your phone, an app, something like that. Uh document what happens. Yeah. Because once you document and then look back on it, then you have proof of what really went on.

Lauren Chapnick:

What do you think is the most misunderstood thing about survivors of domestic violence? And what is one thing you would want somebody to know? What do you think the world needs to know? Don't blame the victim. Yeah.

Michelle Jewsbury:

Right? So a lot of people, if there was a victim who was sexually assaulted, many people say, Well, what was she wearing? You know, short skirt, short shirt, this and that. It's not her fault. She can look beautiful without being sexualized, beaten, tortured, and raped. So it's not the victim's fault. And that's what I would really love for the rest of the world to understand. Still, in a lot of countries, they blame the victim. In abusive situations, especially developing nations and third world countries. If uh you're being beaten by your husband, well, what did you do wrong? She didn't do anything wrong. Do you think that anybody deserves to be beat because they said something? No. No. I want people to start to use their words and not high octane, no yelling, right? Keep yourself calm and even keel. I'm in an amazing relationship with a man right now who I love. Eventually, I'm probably gonna marry this one. Finally, I found an amazing guy. Yeah. We're from two completely different cultures, and there has been some interesting things that have been said, not out of spite. We just needed to understand. We have a rule, we don't yell, right? We can have conversations, we can have arguments, there's no yelling. There's no yelling, there's especially now physical violence, there's no hitting below the belt, there's no making somebody feel demoralized, there's none of that. And that's what I hope and pray for relationships around the world is that you start to respect one another and you start to understand that this person is just as important, if not more important, than you are. So there you go.

Lauren Chapnick:

Thank you. Before we get into the questions that are just for fun to wrap things up, is there anything else that we didn't cover that you wanted to make sure that you said?

Michelle Jewsbury:

Yeah, um, I would love to offer people a complimentary version of um the introduction to But I Love Him if that's okay. Yeah, absolutely. But if you're in the US, if you just text Legacy to 26786, again, Legacy to 26786, then you'll get a text message from our team, and then you can uh you'll get uh a complimentary version, PDF version of the intro. Uh, you'll also get updates and things like that. Uh so I would love to do that. And also if you're interested in telling your story, I would love to help you do so. You know, I get to work with hundreds of clients, and it's it's beautiful and amazing, and I stay very, very close to my clients. So if this is something that you're considering, you can always contact me. There's a um calendar link right on my website on Michellegebray.com.

Lauren Chapnick:

Excellent. And I will make sure that everybody has your website and that text address as well. Perfect. Um, okay, so just a few questions to wrap things up just for fun. Do you have um a favorite quote or mantra that you live by?

Michelle Jewsbury:

Okay, so I say this all the time. Have you ever seen the movie Finding Nemo? Yeah, of course. Yeah, right. So uh who's the the airhead in the movie? Dory. Dory, right? So what does Dory go around singing? Just keep swimming. So I use this all the time because it's so important. It's this fish who has a 10-second memory, but she's still happy go lucky. Let's just keep swimming. Oh no, there's a shark. Just keep swimming. You're gonna have adversities. Nobody goes through this life without having ups and downs. Nobody. Just keep moving. One foot in front of the other.

Lauren Chapnick:

I love that. I knew we had a lot in common, but I actually have a wooden plaque on my desk at home that says just keep swimming.

Michelle Jewsbury:

Oh, that is hilarious! That is so awesome. I love that.

Lauren Chapnick:

I love that quote too. Um, any daily rituals that you do that ground you?

Michelle Jewsbury:

A lot of people would say, you know, I have a mantra, or I pray, or I, you know, close my eyes and I do woo-woo things. And I love all of that. I don't necessarily do that, but I breathe. If I feel myself getting stressed out, I will stop, I will breathe. And um, there's many things in life that are triggering, and if that happens, you step away in order to step back in. I make sure that I go to bed at a decent hour so I can wake up at a decent hour. I also make sure to have fun. My first mentor, Bill Walsh, talked a lot about three important things. These three important things are faith, family, fun. And it could be family, faith fun depending on what it is that you um you want and love, but fun is in there. So I make sure to have a lot of fun. I travel, I go to concerts, I'm kind of a Dave Matthews band junkie, which is kind of funny. Um I um I'm going to Egypt with my boyfriend in December, going to Hawaii, um, just exploring the world. You never know how long you're here for. So take time for you. We are not meant to be on this planet to work 40, 60, 80 hour weeks and not enjoy our life, or wait until we're retired at 65 years old in order to enjoy the last 10 years when you can't walk. Enjoy your life now. I know people worry about money, or people um are concerned about making the rent or putting food on the table. You can do that, you can work and also give yourself time and have fun. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah.

Lauren Chapnick:

Couldn't agree more. Yeah. Okay, two questions I ask everybody. Okay. Complete this sentence. Happiness is happiness, is joy.

Michelle Jewsbury:

Right? A lot of people, happiness is when I make it here, do that. No, happiness is joy, and your joy could be in the midst now. You can be happy now. Happiness is um understanding that that life is life and enjoying the journey. I think that's that's what it is, enjoying the journey.

Lauren Chapnick:

Yeah. What do you think it means to live your biggest best life?

Michelle Jewsbury:

Be authentically you, be transparent, be trustworthy, be authentic. A lot of people, I've shared stages with so many individuals, say one thing in front of the curtain and another thing behind the curtain. Be you everywhere. And there are gonna be naysayers. There's at this time of this recording, there's eight billion people on this planet. It's going to exponentially increase here pretty soon. There's many people who are not gonna like you. So what? So what? Yeah, be you anyway. You don't need to be fake, you don't need to um pop your collar and pretend that you're okay when you're not. Be authentic.

Lauren Chapnick:

Yeah.

Michelle Jewsbury:

Michelle, thank you.

Lauren Chapnick:

Yeah, thank you so much. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us and for being here. Yeah, definitely. Thank you so much. Michelle, thank you so much for sharing your incredible courage and story with us. Remember, you can find Michelle on her website, Michellejuwsberry.com. The link is below in the show notes. I'm Lauren Chapnick, and until next time, go out there and live your biggest best life. Bye-bye.

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